Goals for the New Year

Each goal will have a future blog post detailing the steps I need t take to meet my goals.

1) Successfully apply to med school and all that entails

3) Take even better care of my body

4) Start Saving

5) Prepare for entering med school

6) Prepare a plan B for med school just in case things don't pan out the way I plan

7) Invest in some good gear (thermos, exercise cloths, etc ...)

Will add more to this list as this month goes by.

Assaulted!

And pissed about it!

Just leaving my friend's house tonight and there is this group of kids in the road in front of me. Now by kids I mean maybe 15 to about mid 20's. They're always kicking around late night on weekends and I usually just ride by them without getting much of anything. This being Bermuda people are expected to give the awkward greeting, so I always just smile or something like that. Well tonight I guess they got into a pack mentality or something. They were kicking around a soccor ball and instead of moving out of the road while I'm passing, the stay crowded and the guy with the ball moves it back in forth with his feet to make it seem like he was gonna kick it at the bike. I'm thinking "that's really dumb" because if he did kick it out it wouldn't harm me and the ball would go careening off into the darkness - they wouldn't have anything to play with anymore. Also, while I was riding by, another guy called out "let's knock off her helmet!" Apparently they've been speaking amongst themselves thinking of ways to punish me and that was all they could think of, because well they're stupid dumb kids. And again I think "um I've just been assaulted" the soccer ball and that phrase was enough to have me pretty pissed. Had they kicked the soccer ball at me or knocked off my helmet, then it would have been assault and battery and I would have turned right around and gone back to my friend's house to call the police. This ai n't at some high school, but out in the streets, so, in the streets, the police take over if people don't act civil toward one another. I just rode by quietly and unaffected knowing they wouldn't do anything. Still though, who knows another night they might actually do something. Probably not knowing how these youth tend to be all "assault" and no guts to do the battery part they threaten to inflict. Poor fuckers. They get my "Asshole of the Month Award".

And then I think to myself, what would have happened had I not looked like someone they could potentially victimize? I'm fucking tired of being made the target of people's hate, both within my age group, my sex, my race, outside of my race, in my country, outside of my country, in my family, outside of my damned family, in relationships, etc ... Sigh, but that's the cost of not being a fucking meat bag to be devoured by the brain slug that wicked force in this world.

Women in Space Westerns

In my internet travels I've discovered a nice little way to flex my short story fiction writing skills. A Feminist fiction group is asking people for submissions of various different prose, poetry and other mediums of fiction for their November 2008 event. I would like to write something. Feminist fiction in their standards is everything but the typical white male centered fiction. I have some ideas and am thinking of doing a character based on my younger brother. I have until October 28th to get it all thought out and written down and submitted. :P I can do! :D


Check out the website for more details:

http://www.spacewesterns.com/submissions/#22ndCarnival

Here is an excerpt:

What we are looking for: Genre, Topics, and Themes
Space Westerns

First and foremost, we’re looking for Space Westerns: works with themes from the Western genre set in Outer-space, or having some element of extra-terrestrial travel. This is the majority of the fiction that we publish. Our preference is to publish works that contain, in part, some form of off-earth travel.

For our purposes we consider the following to be examples of works with strong Space Western themes (inter-planetary fiction containing Western genre themes): Flash Gordon (comic, movie serial, and 1978 animated serial), Buck Rogers, Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica (both series), Firefly, Serenity, Mike Resnick’s Santiago, Ande Norton’s Beastmaster series, Ray Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles, The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, Bravestarr, Silverhawks, Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, Coyote Ragtime Show, and Trigun.
Science Fiction Westerns

Science Fiction themes with Western elements (setting, characters, etc.).
Steam Punk

We’d like to see Steam Punk (after all, the era is right) with some Western elements (themes, setting, characters, etc.). Space travel is a plus, but not strictly necessary.
Weird West

We’re using the term Weird Western here to denote Western/Fantasy/Horror genre blending. We are least likely to publish a Weird Western unless it also includes Space Western elements.
Feminist & Minority Themes

We’ve all seen the white man in a white hat riding his white horse into the sunset. The Western genre is replete with white male driven stories. The Space Western sub-genre isn’t much different. Send us stories with strong women, weak women, but most of all stories with real women. Send us stories from a non-WASP point-of-view: fiction about Chinese, Native American, Mexican/Spanish, African/African-American and/or even the “New Immigrants” — (German, Irish/Gaelic, Italian, Russian) peoples influences on the Western themes.

So I got this film fest ...

And it's really taking off. The first showing is next week and I am feeling so good. I hope the turn out is decent. 10 to 15 people would be a nice starter, even if they are just friends. I've advertised around campus, have hit Rock Island and Phase One. My next targets are my older brother's work, my mom's work, and possibly my older sister's work. I should also hit leisure time and some of the movie theaters. The week of the event I am going to make an announcement in each of my classes. I would love their support.

But now I have school work, and a break in which to look forward next week. I have some goals I would like to see through and some dreams to realize. :D

I'm learning to balance that inner punky creature with the mopey shy snufflupacuss weirdo and the geeky nerdcore school girl that my personality has triple split up into.

Jobs and Frogs

I've been soooo tired this week. It has been hard to concentrate on school work; or course a disastrous calculus test did not help my situation any. So this week I've been working on my film festival and pretty much coasting. I have a test on Tuesday and special plans this weekend, so well, this tiredness has been working against me by backlogging my work. Ah well. It'll be done and at least my film fest flyers are finish. Pop on over to my film fest blog for a look in the next couple days.

This morn I saw a two day temp position in the paper, and well I jumped on it and applied. It's just inventory work, so it's peanuts really. It's exciting though because the position begins next week and I will be getting cash! Ah making money is such a wonderful feeling. Hopefully they pay well and hopefully this will allow me to feel more comfortable with seeking out more employment opportunities. Still though, this is the perfect little gig. I am waiting to hear on an on-call marketing job. I'll be the person who stands on the street trying to get you to try products or passing out flyers to you. The only draw back of that job is I might have to go and get my look refined as it entails someone who is approachable - makeup, good clothes, groomed hair, etc ... So in my world that means mineral facial powder, newer/my nicer punk-goth-funky-casual clothes, a new pair of shoes (red chuck taylors!!), and doing something to hydrate my ultra dry afro (possibly dye it black with indigo and find someplace on this isle that sell shea butter. That or get twists again with like black and funky green or blue dyed afro-type hair or something).

Yeeeeee-ep. And I am planning for Halloween. I want to make my own costume. I've been going to DIY websites looking for tips on making ones own cloths and so on and so forth. I'm getting a lot of inspiration. Now I just need to go thrift store and yard sale hopping. I want an old wedding dress with a corset-type top and the gauze lacy-type skirt material to dye black and other colors. Oh this is going to be fun!

But school first!!!!!

Bleargh

Before I delve into these here Calculus books, just thought I'd give this blog some love.

I've been reading a lot of Phillip Dick in between sessions of studying for my R&R. I really enjoy his writing. It's is just so stimulating and soothing for my mind since it takes a little of what I'm learning and just throws it all out there. I like that - learning while still in pleasure. But he does make me want to start writing again much in the same way Neil Gaimen makes me want to srat writing everything I read some of his stuff.

I've been very fatigued and it is making me cranky. I'm getting my work done though so that's all that matters. I've been hitting a snag with my parents. They don't seem to understand the load of work I have and the balance between studying, leisure and my health and safety I've been trying to maintain. At times I wish I were away at university so that I can factor them out of my school life equation and just focus on what I need to do. When my brother was studying for his CFA exams, they gave him all the space he desired, but with me, no. Directives. It is okay during the week because I leave early and return late - 10 hour days. It's the weekends and asking for money that sucks. I realize I have no time for a job with the class load I have. Perhaps if I can get one for five hours a week. I'm going to put flyers around campus advertising tutoring. Maybe draw in twenty an hour. Fifty bucks a week would be decent!! (It would be enough for me to feed myself). It is the act of askin gmy parents money for food and gas that's a burden. "Oh you need to budget the money we give you better". Sigh, so now I am starving myself just to stretch out my money. >.< Parents ... Just give me 100 a week and let that be that; instead of giving me a run around after I ask for money once a week.

Okay, need to start this calculus.

Oh Look at the Time

Time has just flown by. One second I'm in Europe "experiencing", the next I'm at Gatwick airport in England waiting to head back to Bermuda, and then finally school, like a sudden gust (a week after returning from Europe), has started.

So I will summarize my trip up in a future blog. Right now I just wanted to touch base. My load in school is comparable to a first year med student. I can't complain about that because when I get through this year I will have a lot to boast about. But these are all things I can elaborate upon later. There are books calling me and there are objectives with which to fulfill!!

Venice and Milan, This Trip is At its End

So my trip is almost over and these past two days have been pretty mellow.

Venice, or Veneza, was pretty great. If it weren't for the heat and the tourists I would say it was almost a little magical. The trained pulled into Venice through beautiful and fertile (huge plump peaches growing on the side of the tracks) Italian countryside and across a sudden and long expanse of water dotted with cruise ships and other ocean going vessels. .First and foremost the city is built on a salt swamp so its water everywhere, no cars, only boats and your feet - water taxis, water metro lines with boats, and bridges. If you have a thing for masks, this is the place. I wanted to get one sooo bad, but alas it would have been too much to bring it back in my suitcase, not to mention my funds running short and my mother cutting of the cash flow saying "what are you going to use a mask for?" in a scrunched up face. Ah well. I did get a mask keychain. :D Venice is one city I am determined to go back to, just to explore it properly for a day or two. I did go on a gondola ride and that was a lot of fun. It was very peaceful and relaxing floating through the water. My mom tried to get her Gondola "driver" to sing, to which he replied he only sing when drunk. My mom then pulls out a bottle of wine and tells him, "will this do?" Yea, good times. I even got to sample a sweet - this ice treat almost like a icee flavoured with almond syrup. It was decadently delish, but its sugar content had me a little sore and puffy later on. I had to spoil myself a t least once.

In a few hours we left and trained our way to Milan. The sky opened up and poured rain on the train - the first we've seen in almost two weeks - back in Paris was the last time it rained. Milan proved to be a very wet city, well in comparison to what we were sued to. So in we go to Milan, another fashion central, and to my utter dismay the whole city was pretty much shut down. Most shops were closed as thier owners were away on month long vacations. Yea, Europeans have a month off to vacation. Pretty sweet. Our first day we did the hop on hop off tour bus. Not much I found interesting in Milan after all the beautiful sights from other cities (especially Veneza and Firenza). I liked the graffiti here - very bold lines, robotic, quirky. Each city has its own flavour of graffiti and here it was very fresh and artistic - as if the artists were trying to do something different. Unfortunately I was low of shots on my cam and did not get as much as I would like. Barcelona and Madrid are still my favs for graffiti though.

Today my mom took us to a church and we got to see Leonardo DaVincci's Last Super. Did you know that it's huge and painted on the side of a wall that was suppose to be a masoleum to some Rennaisance guy who died in prison and thus the place didn't become a masoleum. Bleh. And what you see, what you see with a lot of the art, is merely modern interpretation of the original works as they need restoration. The colors, the shapes, even objects can be removed or added and what you get is something slightly skewed from what the original artist had intended. Masterpiece? Or just our attempt to hold onto something and yet brand it as original? These pieces of art are long gone and all that's left are copies called originals. Tsk.

But today was a holiday and hardly any stores were opened. I had planned to do a lot of lastminute shopping today, but alas ... So I bought myself some treats - sesame, pistachio, and walnuts chopped and fused together by honey into tasty tasy bars. I must make some when I get back home. There was one store open so I got myself a nice new umbrella. WHat holiday was today? I 'unno, but the Pope was in town in this great Gothic Cathedral (kinda of scary looking with all its spikes and stark grey color) called the Duomo (lots of places called that in Italy). That would explain the military presence I saw all throughout Milan. I thought it was a little overboard. My sister was like "it's because the Italian Mafia is based here." No, it's just the Pope needs protection from the radicals amoung his flock. :P

So early tomorrow morning I leave back to London and then fly out to Bermuda on Sunday. I probably won't be able to update again until I and back on my native island soil. Until then ...

5 Cities 4 Days

... And some really tired feet. The toughest leg of my journey is over - weds in Madrid; thurs back in Barcelona; Fri in Paris; Sat in Rome and then Florence. Was it tough? Yes. Lugging heavy suitcases around everywhere. Madrid was just a day trip though. Spanish countryside is very ... arid and desert like with dry brush and sparse bushes. Madrid was the most quiet of all the cities I travelled and had some great graffitti. Things were cheap there too and I wish I bought more things in Madrid. Attitudes there though? Well, attitudes all over Spain - eh, they're funny with Blacks but no evil looks like the one I got here in Florence byu a tourist or two. I'll get to that in a sec. So I did my shopping and got some nice stuff back in Barcelona and then hopped the night train for Paris.

Back in Paris we picked up my younger sis and her friend and did some food hunting. I managed to get caught up in a French discount store and walked out with some cool socks. And soon another night train awaited for us. This little French boy ran by our train cabin door and stared in at us, gawking. Afterwards I said 'Yep, that's exactly how the adults feel but they try to keep it in check, except this kid is just curious and not crazy like his adults.' Maybe I'm harsh, but ah the fuck well. :D So in a six bed cabin I slept in the lowest bed which was a clautrophibic sort of this wedge between the seats like lint in a coach. French countryside is gorgeous. I would like to stay in the country next time.

We arrived in Roma, or Roma, checked our lugage in storage and hopped on a tour bus. My thoughts of Rome - eh. It was cool seeing all the old stuff, Vatican City, churches, but I guess I wasn't that enthuciastic. I saw the Colloseum but didn't go inside. Everything was from the tour bus and there were long lines everywhere. Infact, all of the cities save for Madrid were there long long line and throngs and throngs of tourists. That is very much a turnoff to me. I would rather secluded forgotten old things in hidden glens to these over commercialized tourist attractions. Blergh.

So after five hours we boarded a train for Florence or rather Firenze. This city is straight out of a story book with cobble stone narrow streets, and 15 century style. Lots of art here. and great looking homes. There was a funny bridge covered with these Rennaisance styled homes. I think it's owned by a fashion designer now. On the tour bus we travelled up into the hills, where it was much cooler, and got to see a great view of the city at night whilest the big bus rode around tight scary corners inches away from a steep drop. Okay that makes it sound dramatic. It's not that bad. On the way down, since the top of the tour bus is open air, we got smacked by branches. It was a good laugh though, especially when my grandpa said that the branches hitting us were all in our heads. Well, he got whollopped too. Meh! Served him right!

Today I got a chance to visit some museums. On the way to the first museum, a cinnimin roll-faced badly aged Asian woman gave me the most wicked face I'd ever seen. It was so full of disgust and whatever. SO I regarded her as one does a child or senile old person. I grinned at her and gave her silly faces. Oh that made her so mad. lol. I did the same to an Indian man who looked at me with disgust as if saying 'How dare you be in a place like this as a tourist and look so wealthy as you do!' Well I just smiled and stared at him until he looked away. Yep, didn't expect me to handle you that way. I have no shame! It's the cost of being so unabashedly 'Black' with my fro and all. I'm getting used to the attitudes. A smile is a powerful weapon, so full of mischief and scorn. A sly grin can topple stone.

But the museums were okay. I got to see some pornography ... errr classical art, a few tranny sculptures; Leonardo's David and David's massive cock and balls; lots of balls and boobs; Madonna through the ages as she progressively became more and more bare chested and gaudy. I even got to see baby Jesus grabbing her boob and then later sucking it. My for the son of man to suck a teat! How how ... human! lol. I'm being a punk. I can't appreciate this art. It's been appreciated to much. I would rather the graffitti or a good modern art museum. Old things don't resonate with me unless they are untouched or in an ancinet place. Being in a museum they lose their power and magnificence. It's like looking at a stuffed animal or animal in a zoo vs looking at that animal alive in the wild.

So tomorrow I leave for Venice and Milan. After that it is London and a night in Gatwick before flying home. A few more days now in Europe.

1 Week in Europe

Yep. As I am writing this it's 4 am in Bermuda and in two hours I will have been in Europe exactly one week. What have a learned so far? Well ...

• Europeans aren't the shit, well French and Spaniards (haven't been in Britain long enough). So far I've seen nothing that makes them more spectacular than the States. It's not that I'm looking for things to push the States up, but some things are always the same and attitude is everywhere, bias, whatever. White people will be white people - scared of the great big black unknown. Save for perhaps Britain, the people in the countries I've visited have this weird relationship with Blacks and I've seen it in the States too, only more pronounced here since here really lacked Jim Crow laws to show Black folk that "hey white folks really loath us so". I get this feeling that Blacks are encouraged to mix so their kids can be seen as beautiful and accepted (but isn't it like that for Black people everywhere, save for some places in Africa). I know our population is so minute in Europe, but damn still. If one is going to diss the US and then turn around and be a punk when it comes to color in their own country, that's a flying shame (Canada floats to mind, well Ontario anyhow). In fact, perhaps these countries are just too old. So much culture and history and mold, that in these changing times the views of the people get left in the dust. I actually like that aspect of the States - that push forward into the future. I think Barcelona was like that at one point in the early 20th century when its buildings of modern art went into the sky, but now I thinks that aspect is dying off. Then again, I've only been to three cities, so this view only reflect people in the city. For example, a friend of mines said French people to the south in the small towns are friendly and curious. This brings me to ...

• Feminism? What's that? I find in the countries I visited, female roles are more traditional than ever. In Barcelona you see people breaking out though with the whole tribal scene - earing stretchers, women with close crop hair, black hair with rockabilly bangs, tribal tattoos, guys with locs, etc ... A friend of mines put it this way whenever he saw people into the tribal scene - they're trying to rock what they lack. This crew seems to be the exception in a fashion ruled, skirt wearing Western Euro world. I wonder how it's like in the small towns dotting the countryside? To further this, everything is too neat in appearance but not much else underneath. Should I dare say the countries I've been to are shallow? On some levels, yes, but then I think the whole damn world is shallow and my thinker and prover just found evidence. lol. Okay, well perhaps not everywhere is shallow and since I lack the language skills I can't as of yet find the right scene of independent thinkers and freedom fighters. They are out there. I've seen some of them, perhaps I am just too limited by my family and myself. Plus, there are other countries in Europe to explore more thoroughly - the Eastern bloc, the Nordic bloc, Britain.
  

• Raw foodism. It's all about the meat, meat , meat , meat, meat! It's hard to find a good veg restaurant, even harder a raw food restaurant. There seem to be none in existence in any of the countries I visited. Spain was somewhat into the vegetarian scene, but the raw food scene has yet to grace these shores. In Paris I was saved by the fresh fruit sellers and the many many cafes which included vegetable dishes, even if they were cooked, or had cow cheese or meat in the salads. Barcelona has plenty of bigger US chain restaurants, but that is because it more touristy (cruise ships right on the Medi). The local places seem to be focused on either the sea or traditional Spanish food - meat. There's even a ham museum in Madrid. Saving grace though is that grocery stores here pack some spectacularly ripe and delicious produce. Avocados are inexpensive considering the price of the Euro to the US dollar.

Okay, I gather I come across sounding like a bitter old traveler hag woman. I'm homesick and I appreciate my home environment a lot more. God, I could have grown up in some of these cities! Imagine what that would have done to my sense of Blackness if I lacked the right parents and guidance?!? I also wish I had better travel companions. There are so many things that I want to explore, but I am still treated like a child, even more so here on these strange shores, and thus cannot explore. Maybe it's a psychological weight of knowing where these countries came from. Every monument or palace I saw in Spain all I could think about was South America being raped to make such grandeurs. In France, I couldn't help but think about how the Kings abused its people and stole from other lands; or what they did to Africa at the end of the 19th century. When my family gets to Italy, I'm sure I'm just going to be thinking about facism a lot. Part of me says, just relax and enjoy, the other part of me says BS this is the world and the world is not a happy land, it is a dark fairy tale whose grossness is perpetuated into the dark halls of the future . How can I "just" sit back and enjoy things covered in blood of the unwillingly sacrificed. Engulf another spoonful of comatose and fall back asleep or smell the salts and sharply wake up to its bitter smells. I appreciate the beauty, but I force myself to see the daggers underneath and not get caught up in the fantasy that such beauty came without high costs.

I enjoy learning about the world, but this is no vacation.

But to sum up what I've been up to in the last two days.

Weds I was in Barcelona. Didn't go bike riding but did do a long troop through the tourist centers of the city. By troop I mean it must have been close to ten miles. We were just walking to walk and take everything in. We shortcut through local sections of the city that smelled like open sewage to get to a main tourist area with museums and parks and stuff. This is a city made for walkers and bike riders, that's for sure. Once there, we walked through alleyways filled with interesting shops and people. I got myself two books in english by Neil Gaiman since I read through those that I brought with me. My brothers were with me and we got to check out some clothing stores. Stuff that would have been hundreds of dollars in N.America are just a couple of Euros - all under one hundred US dollars. Soon, we were on this square where there were mimes. Now these guys, they're not your typical black and white wearing, face painted, beret wearing mimes. These guys were done up to look like statues. One guy was painted all white and sitting on a crappers; another guy had himself painted like a bronze statue. There was even a guy painted all in blue and bald. He looked so surreal and consequently was very popular with the tourists. These men and women probably have 9-5 jobs and afterwards make a little extra from the tourists by doing the mime bit. I am sure the pay must be good. A one or two Euro coin from a few of the thousands of tourists in the area = sweet money. I like artsy fartsy things like that and wonder ifI could pull something off like that in Bermuda with a troop of folks. :P


On our way back to our apartment, we took the long route along the Mediterranean. Being a Bermudian and experiencing Bermuda beaches daily, I must say the beaches of Barcelona are bland. I don't think I would swim in the waters here in the city. Perhaps further out in the rough and bushes I would where I can see the true bueaty of Spanish beaches. But ah, so as we were walking people were dressed nice and out for a good time on the beach front. We walked by hotels built atop of cool pools of water, giant glittering casinos, beachside restaurants and bars, more modern art (Lobster McPhee - you'll see when I upload pictures after I get back home). I liked it, but I was smelly and my feet hurt, I just wanted to get back home and rest it up for a few hours. Eventually we did get home, and immediately went back out to look for grub. We walked to a mall at the end of this huge diagonal avenue that runs from one end of the city to the other - Diagonal Avenue it was called :P. There was a group of restaurants and each one we approached told convenient closed as we got there. We did get there right at their closing time, but still, we were miffed. Eventually we were herded to a McDonald's since that was the only place still open. I ate nothing but did watch some Spanish music videos.

The next morning, while still operating on Bermuda time, which is 5 hours behind, we woke at 6 and left for Madrid. Ah but, time is precious so I will continue this later ...

Operation Pari Berry Part Deux

Paris in a nutshell:

Beautiful gams and fells dressed to the nines real fine cause hey this is the city of fashion and models and such.


My brothers went to this club and said the bouncers looked like models straight out of that Ben Stiller movie Zoolander - they were in hoodies and posing with that silly ¨Blue Steel¨look.






But yes, this is the place to go to if you like to shop and want inspiration on what to wear. London is eclectic, Paris is Romantic. I can imagine Milan will be sleek in a ghetto fabulous sort of way.

No skyscrapers and beautiful decor on the buildings. There`s a reason why some art freaks go crazy from the beauty of the architecture. You can just feel the history and smell the ancient psychic must in the air. This is a land that`s been people since when people lived in caves. Their history has not been eradicated like other places on earth (Native American and African; save for individual and obscure tribes). Ah the nature of the conquerers. I am sure the rest of Europe will feel this way when I eventually explore it all one day.

French people aren`t snobby. If find them very sexy because of how they openly show passion whether it be raw lust or anger. I guess they show both spectrum rather than mainly aggression that I see on the other side of the Atlantic on my isle. I was a little stoked by it all. Yea! Passion! Alright! And non of that weirdness in the US and Canada towards Black folk. Paris has a huge black population. I have read of the taint, the riots, etc ... so I know this place has its problems with us of ebony skin, but at least it`s a change. As I say to myself, different places have different dimensions of negatude towards my Blackness. What one place lacks in a dimension, they make it up in a totally new dimension. I know with Barcelona, they are weary of color due to their history of Moorish invasion, so I know what to expect when I leave for there tonight. I just didn`t know what to expect here and well, it wasn`t too bad. If I spoke French, looked like a recent African immigrant; perhaps things would have been different. I mean, Black women still fry their hair with relaxers here.

But French people suck at driving. Haha! The Arch de Triumph is a death trap of laneless cars and mopeds going around in a circle. I`m surprised by the amount of folk without bike helmets riding around on their pedal bikes because of the intense traffic and crazy drivers. My dad was like look at that family, they`re going on a death ride. The driver of the night tour van we went on was cutting off people, getting cursed at a lot. He sped around corners real sharp that I felt like I was in Ber,uda again where the roads are so narrow you can`t help but get that effect. The guy even drove us down streets packed with people. I was miffed as people cursed us in French. Yea, cats can`t drive.

You see some American influence - posters for American movies, chain restaurants, etc ... But that`s all over the world. We import French style and wines, and in turn give em`back equivalent quick fixes of fast food, sports and media. Still though, you`d be hard pressed to find a supermarkt and the fast food is only near the tourist areas. Cafes are everywhere and everyone walks. French people are skinny or rather Parisians.

So today I am bound for shopping and a health store and then railing off to Barcelona. I am going to miss these open balconies and little fruit sellers, sexiness, and overall romanticism compared to my isle; but I`ll be back. There are places and things I want to do in this city that having my family around really bars me from doing. My only con, I`m a laid back chick. I can only do feminine for so long. :D

Pari Berri Cha Chah Chah

I`m in Paris.

London was a delight and I would like to spend more time there in the future. Did a tour on a double decker bus that was open at the top. Had a good time making fun of things and being sarcastic with my siblings - tour buses are very touristy. Bought some sushi and a smoothie that said it was for three bucks but knew it was worth 6 dollars. Still though, better than Bermuda prices. FYI there are no trashcans in the city (hardly anyhow) to discourage the homeless. Room serve was my source of grub as my energy bars made me sick with a nasty allergic reaction to the chocolate in them (I barfed). Tea, smoked salmon and avocado was what I got.

Today I left London, took the train under the Channel and two hours later entered Paris. From there I took the metro and then walked to my rental. The rental is great with three floors, a hot tub and two patios.

I got a taste of Paris. On the metro I got to see a splashing of local styles and tastes. I tried out my lame French skills buying two mangoes and two avocados from a middle eastern fruit and vege seller in the metro station - bonjour, merci. Keyboards are all different in setup. I am still getting used to it all.

Compared to London, Paris feels a bit more like Toronto and a bit bigger in feeling. I really enjoyed the London vibe though and miss it, but I've not been out enough to really scope out the vibe here. Part of it is anxiety - I am not familiar enough with the language and thus feel I will fail to connect to interesting people. At times I wish I were travelling sans my family so I can get full exposure, but ah well. My views will change as I get comfortable in this new environment. I just wish I brought a personal camera.

It`s three in Bermuda and 8 here.

Cramped Flight and a Taste of Britain

Coming in from a little posh apartment in London via free internet on an apple computer ...

At 12 ish last night, Bermuda time, my plane zoomed off into the dark skies. I'd never seen Bermuda at night. What a beautiful sight to see that tiny isle sparkling like a jewel in a sea of darkness - hook shaped amber on velvet. Before long the clouds swallowed us up and we were off to spend six hours in coldness and crampness as we (my family and I) attempted to sleep comfortably. Blankets weren't complementary and cost 3 pounds or 6 dollars (along with neck pillow, headphones, eyecover). With the a/c on so high they practically force you to buy their package else face hypothermia. Made it through though. I am thrifty so I brought a blanket and extras anticipating the highway robbery. There was some extreme turbulence, which was fun. Seriously, planes don't scare me anymore. They just don't. Manufactured scare tactics for people who watch too much news. There are better things to be paranoid about.

After one spell of sleeping, my legs sprawled over my younger brother's legs since his legs were long and needed the extra space, plus we were sharing my blanket, I awoke to the sun and a glimpse of British landscape below out my window. The clouds were tiny, white and fluffy. I was surprised. I figured it would be like the US and it's murky grey miasma whenever I entry its airspace. Britain on the other hand was clean and welcoming. The lack of suburbs and the small farm hamlets were charming and very attractive. British time is four hours ahead of Bermuda time, so it was well into the morning when our plane landed. In a flash we were through customs (a very easy process compared to stringent Bermuda and scare tactics US). There weren't any custom guards there to check our bags even! Security was relaxed and not uptight like entering a US airport. Even though the airport was crowded, everyone flowed, unlike Toronto airports. :P

Outside the airport the weather is in the 70's and very nice. Atmosphere is chill. We took a cool old school taxi to our hotel and got to peer out at Londoners. The city looks like Georgetown DC, but the people look like they're from downtown Toronto, only more relaxed. It's a totally different vibe here and I am enjoying it. I suppose, that suspicion that I am used to feeling, even in Bermuda, is just gone - no terrorism paranoia or the fashionable fear of the moment in the States (cause it was there even before 9/11); no blatant suspicion of dark skin as in Canada; and no social suspicion and conservativeness as is prevalent in Bermuda. My family as a group is still a curiosity though.

So I am going to rest and later on go on a hop-on-hop-off bus tour, shopping, and dinner. I'll write again when I get to Paris.

Euroland: The Vacation Begins

Sooooo I am jetting off into the great blue yonder to a place called Europe for the touristy triplet deal - Spain, Italy, France. Am I excited? Yea. Am I anxious? Of course. I am leaving on a downer note though - my cot damn period is on the verge of starting and it, well it just sucks. I have had to deal with intense swelling, funky hormonal induced emotions, and the realization that I'll be facing cramps on a plane or in some strange hotel room. Boo. Buuuuuut, it'll start and I'll be happy. Grabbing a pad = the end of PMS horror and well, that's totally worth the cramps to feel happy and at ease again.

So my vacation begins tonight at the airport, I've said my goodbyes and now I'm off.

Look out for part II tomorrow while I'm wittering away in jolly Britannia.

Letting Go and Frankly Doing What I Want

So I am in yet another mire. In a few short weeks I am jet setting to Europe and have some languages to brush up on and some planning to do; I am working on projects that'll make future scholarship committees have boners; and am getting my stuff together for school in the fall. In all of that I get so insular. My past has led me towards squashing my inner rebel fighter demon and just doing what others think is comfortable. Frankly, I am tired of that. I don't like it anymore. There is doing what one needs to survive and then there is doing what one needs to survive. I think I have been doing a good ob to deconstruct that though, but at times I really feel the weight of it all. I would ever so love to just disappear in some steamy jungle or wilderness or quote unquote country that ain't like the West and its haughty attitude and lifestyle. I want paradise and I want it now and it is this desire that is destroying me and putting me into a mire. I need to find that slice here and now and just live it up happy, now. So many things I have done this past year to further myself and now I realize that my biggest challenge of all is delaying my perilous habit of instant gratification. A little restraint and will power never hurt no one.

So what can I do?

Meditation - I hardly do any and I should set aside time each morning and evening to do this. Perhaps taking a yoga class would help too.

Internet Liberation - I spend to much time on this beast. It has become my life blood. I suppose a goal would be no internet for all of August. I know there are things I need to do online - research for various endeavors, contacting people, etc ... But that takes mere minutes and at max an hour of raw online time. The rest of the time I spend browsing, not being productive. A month of productive only internet at 1 hour max a day would be best for me. And I will expand that as I go.

Running and Walking - I love these two activities. I like waking up early while it is still dark and running for an hour or so. Too late and the brutal sun, 9-5'ers, and everything in between slays me. My body enjoys the exercise and I am pumped for the day as long as I don't over do it.

Rawness - I admit, although most of my diet is raw food, it is typically of the "junk" raw food type. I don't eat enough hearty green salads which should compromise the bulk of my diet. Instead I eat raw bars and other such filler foods that are certainly not giving my body what it needs. And after that, I eat too much fruit. Priorities in my diet should be green green green and a little in between. :D

Those are good starter goals. I can expand later.

The Raging She Beast Within (A new asshole of the month)

Today I am mad but the facts that surround said madness will remain anon. All I can say is that this island really peeves me at times, usually a lot of times. No, it's not the politics or whatever, it is a segment of people, a segment of really lazy and really spoiled people. I could care less for them when the figurative bombs drop - that which signals the end of our decadent age. These are the same kind of people who jeer at first responders when they are trying to administer aide by tellings them they don't know what they're doing, or that they are doing it all wrong or whatever bs. These are the same people who will gossip and lie about you while you're just trying to do your job, meanwhile they're lazy shiftless bastards who could care less to lift a finger if it would save their lives. As these people grow their insides will scum up and turn ugly because they're ignorant and pea brained. Unfortunately their destructive bitterness will only grow bringing with them a brand new generation of stupidity which they will inflict unto their unfortunate kids. These are the type of people tyrants love because these are the people who are easiest to shape into sheep. As long as their own tremendously shallow interests are satiated, they'll be blind to getting raped up the arse, unlubed and hemorrhaging to death afterwards with a stupid smile on their faces because at least they looked cute, resting on the spent remains of those who came before them and all the people who had to suffer for their foul rot of an existence. If the world were to go to hell these are the first to stab you in the back, shoot you in the head for something stupid and then go on to die fast, leaving a trail of devastation that could have perpetuated humanity and even kept them alive but now that's lost no thanks to their fear mongering stupidity and selfishness. These people can be anyone - the so called rich or poor or whatever cultural or ethnic background "white man's IQ scale" education or whatever. These are the people that comprise lynch mobs and death squads and nations endorsing genocide. They join the mob mentality and hold no shame towards the bloody gristle decorating their hand - "oh, there's no blood on me, I did nothing wrong; just went with the flow." And I wonder why I hold such contempt for humanity cause I see this rot everywhere, even within my own very soul. I wish people would leg up and fight that which dwells inside them more. Instead they foster it in blind ignorance and it grows into a beast striking down anyone in its path. I am angry and I wonder if that which is inside of me will have blood?


She Hulk watch out! I think I have a new recipient of my asshole of the month award.

Damn you Blasted Fast!!! Graaah: It's Over!

The fast is over. Time really flew by, but then again I was very busy. I had an exam to study for, driving lessons, etc ... Before I knew it Tuesday was here, my last day. Switching to B grade maple syrup was nice, I had more energy. The last few days my weight really started to drop. My mom and dad were like "you're starting to look emaciated!" The weight issue didn't bother me because it's always nice to lose weight (I'm goin' tah Europe!! I wanna look as good as I can!!). They say the weight tends to come back after the fast. I can understand that. If you return to former eating and lifestyle habits then yea, the weight comes back. I did this fast to eat a higher octane raw diet afterwards, and I started running again.

The real bonus of the fast - cleaness. Towards the end I found I didn't have b.o. if I didn't shower right after waking or forget to put on deodorant. That was really nice. The lemonade did cause some bad breath, but nothing carrying a round a toothbrush couldn't cure. My skin cleared up a lot too. I really enjoyed this aspect!

The last few days were somewhat tough. I couldn't help but think about all the delish raw foods I was going to make and then EAT!

On the Wednesday I juiced about 48 oranges for two people to last the whole day. That was good. It was a great change and a good way to transition back into food. I did get a little nauseous, but at least it was with fresh squeezed OJ and not some concentrate bottled Minute Maid crap. Tip: peel away all the skin and pulp if you want your juicer to get more juice out of the orange and if you want sweeter juice.

Thursday was broth with veggies. I had made a hearty green salad before the fast (kale, carrots, okra, onions, cayenne, sprouts) and froze it all for this day in particular. It was very bland but got the digestive system working again (a little salt helped it). I had an organic soy yogurt in the evening to replenish intestinal bacteria.

Friday I ate normally, which is fruits and veggies (this would be the last day of transitioning for people who eat meat and cooked foods - Saturday would be the day they can eat normal). I had a big green smoothie in the morn. The afternoon I had salsa with avocados on top of romaine lettuce with a cashew-sunflower seed raw cheese and wrapped it all in a big ol' leaf of organic collard green (acting as a tortilla). Very good and filling. I had it with nuts and dried fruit as a snack. Later on I ate another yogurt and some organic olives.

Recipes for what I ate on Friday:

Salsa:
1/2 bunch of cilantro
1/4 Sweet onion
1 tomatoes
1 Green Peppers
1 Avocado
1 Jalapeño Pepper
2 cloves of garlic
1 Tblsp Olive Oil
1 tsp Agave
Salt to taste


Finely chop all the veggies. Soak the chopped onions in water for ten minutes (start with them first, soak and then after you finish chopping everything else, drain and add the onions). Mix all the veggies and seasoning. Eat your heart out!!

Cashew-Sunflower Cheese:

1/2 cup cashews
1/2 cup sunflower seeds
1 -1 1/2 cup water (or more if you want it looser)
6 tblsp Nutritional Yeast
4 tblsp each of onion and garlic powder or granules (can use fresh onion and garlic - three cloves with half and onion)
1 tblsp agave nectar (or any natural sweetner of choice)
1 tsp salt or add to taste

*If using just cashews, add 1/2 cup more cashews and two less tblsps each of the garlic, onion and nutritional yeast*

Process everything in a food processor/blender. Refrigerating makes it more solid so I usually make it at night and eat it with my meals the next day. This recipe makes a lot if you use the sunflower seeds. I added them to stretch out my cashews, which are expensive.

For the wraps:

Big leafy dark greens may be used. Throw everything within the leafy with some regular lettuce and whatever filling of your choice and wrap around. Can be messy with the salsa. As an alternative, instead of cutting everything in the salsa really tiny, you can cut it all in strips and layer it in the wrap to cut down on mess. Very yummy, filling and inexpensive!


That was my fast folks!

Belly Full O' Lemonade - Reflections on Day 4

So, four days have passed and my body is finally in the expelling stage. I am just leeching out gunk. It's not bad actually. It is more like a lightness of being. I'll tell you one thing though, being psychologically hungry really beats down any sort of anxiety. I was in town and I just didn't care. Fighting the desire to eat takes up so much energy you just don't care much about other people. This led to a parking altercation where I had to give someone the finger and physically lift up the motor bike of someone who parked really really bad.

Energy-wise, my head gets very dizzy whenever I get up from lying down a long time. It's my anemia and it can be bad to the point where my eyes black out. Despite that I ran around doing errands all day. I feel really relaxed to the point where I can hold my hands steady without them shaking much - they always shake a lot! Later on I need to juice lemons so I am R&R'ing a bit before undertaking that task (12 lemons to fill up my gallon jug). I have to juice 6 extra lemons for my family. They've been drinking my lemonade as if it were just regular juice. It's very tasty, and sweet, but regular juice would be watered down a lot more. I suppose it is the fact that I freshly juice the lemons. I doubt most people get to enjoy fresh squeeze lemonade and all the health benefits that go with it. So I am happy they are drinking it, cayenne pepper and all, but I have to warn them to stay away from my batch. I'm making them their own stuff and am using agave nectar instead of maple syrup.

Tomorrow is my 5 day half point. In celebration I am using Grade B maple syrup in my lemonade. So tonight I watered down the rest of my lemonade in my jug and am downing it all tonight to make way for a nice new fresh batch with the more nutritious grade B.

Day 3

So,

It is the start of Day 3. I'm looking forward towards tomorrow and the reported "loss of interest in food." I've been taking everything in stride. As mentioned before, I already ate raw; in addition, I have many food allergies, so regular food doesn't tempt me. One thing I have noticed is that things smell very appetizing. My family had a cookout yesterday and the chicken and boiled corn smelled wonderful. I found this funny because I haven't eaten chicken in over five years and I strictly do not touch corn. So I enjoyed the smell and joked about it with my better half as we sipped our lemonade and later as we juiced more lemons.

So, let me give you an account of the past two days:

Day 1: Ran around looking for more organic lemons to juice (our preferred grocery store was closed). I also had driving lessons. I was cranky and uptight and my instructor criticized me for that. lol. Later on I hung out with my better half and we watched Dr. Who. I was a little tired, but being with each other and being able to relax I eventually felt revitalized. That evening I drank a laxative tea so that I wouldn't have to be running to the bathroom during the day. Didn't have any movement that night or next morning.

Day 2: Of course, the cookout and making more juice. My brothers and father seemed very interested in doing it. I look forward to coaching them when they're ready, if ever. I had a lot of tiredness on this day. I tried to do school work but ended up fast asleep. I didn't fret, that is why my better half and I choose this holiday weekend to start our fast - so that the first two days we could have without responsibilities as they are the roughest when the detox symptoms are most felt. I went to bed early this night, around the same time I did the night before. Well ... I see it as early now, but in the past this was my normal bed time. So I guess I am finally getting a proper 8 hours rest again. :D Drank my laxative tea, but still no movement. I did go overboard with flushing my system last week Wedensday and so that could be why, but I will give it time and drink a stronger dosage tonight because I have been playing it safe with my tea..

Things I've learned so far /Some tips for anyone else who wishes to do this fast:

1) Before going on a fast, any fast, don't just jump into it. Gradually progress into it. Maybe reduce the amount of food you eat, or just eat fruit for a day or two. Try restricting your eating hours. Doing this will make the first three days of your fast much much more bearable. (My better half is having headaches and hunger pains and such right now, but I am only tackling with tiredness)

2) Get a juicer. Don't buy premade lemon juice or orange juice (the oj is for the two days you go off the fast), even if it is organic, unless it was juiced that very same day. If not, pull up your sleeves and start juicing the lemons and oranges yourselves. Why? Freshly juiced produce is much more enzymatically active. Also, most pre-juiced products are pasteurized and thus most of the enzymes have been rendered inactive by the high heat. Oh yes, pre-juiced may contained additives like extra sugars, preservatives and colors, and it may even be from concentrate. Taste-wise, freshly juiced is ALOT better. If all your going to be ingesting is lemonade for the next ten days, drinking something that taste good and is highly nutritious to stave off hunger pains is desirable.

3) This brings me to my next point - buy REAL maple syrup. Aunt Jemima or Ms Buttersworth are not real maple syrup. The real stuff will run you 7-10 bucks per 8 oz bottle (or at least on my isle). If you can buy big ol' bulk bottles, do so. Organic maple syrup is the best, of course, but as long sa you can find the real deal, that should be good enough. Organic is good because they tend not to use formaldehyde to extract the sap from the tree. Frankly though, if you can get your hands on Mennonite Maple Syrup, then fuck you cause that stuff is the best maple syrup I've ever tasted and I can imagine it would be the best for this particular fast.

4) You get used to the cayenne pepper, so don't fret. I'm a die hard cayenne eater, so this wasn't a problem for me. Some products are spicier than others, usually the redder and grainier, the hotter, or at least from what I've seen. So research and compare. If you can't take it too spicy, try a milder cayenne. If you're a trooper, get the good spicy version. Do increase your dosage as you get used the spice (my first time drinking the lemonade I coughed from the spice. lol. Now I'm adding more in because I don't find it spicy enough). Wish my younger sister could understand this ...

Blasted Fast Part Deux

Hey!

So, I have changed my plans. These past three days I've been quasi fasting. Today I've eaten regular meals. The change is that tomorrow I will do a full fledge 10 day master cleanse fast instead of the cycles for ten days. This is a better route, and I have support in the shape of my better half. He is doing it as well and everything should be kosher as we moderate each other. He is actually the reason for my change of plans because it was he felt I should start over and do it properly with him. Coolness.