Monday, January 7, 2008

Bruce Lee and Neo's Love Bastard Child

So basically, some tourists get robbed by knife-wielding thugs here on my isle *gasp*. In my universe, unbeknownst to the thugs, our victim was really the love bastard child of Bruce Lee and Neo from the Matrix. Man, like the thugs, if they had a gun and fired, love bastard child would stop the bullet in bullet time (slowmo), and then like karate chop it away before flying away with a mighty "HI-WAAAAAW"! The thugs would be like down on their knees, like, humbled with their arms up and their palms raised and pressed together above their head gazing off at love bastard child disappearing in the distance saying "please teach us for you have mad skillz!" Love bastard child would look back and be like "I'm not Japanese!" Then they'd be like "you're leaving your woman behind!!!"

Visitors attacked by robbers
By Elizabeth Roberts and Tim Smith
Knife-wielding robbers attacked a pair of visitors as they walked in the grounds of the Grotto Bay Beach Resort.

The incident came just a week after another visiting couple was beaten and robbed near the Fairmont Southampton Princess hotel.
It has prompted Acting Premier Paula Cox to express the Ministry of Tourism's deep regret to the victims, offer support to Grotto Bay management and reiterate that violence will not be tolerated.
In the latest attack, the husband and wife, both aged 46 and from the UK, got off a bus and were walking up the path to the hotel when they saw two men walking towards them.
A Police spokesman said: "As the two men passed by, one of the men attempted to take the female visitor's handbag but was unsuccessful. The same man then demanded money from the male visitor, while brandishing a bladed article."
The man gave the robbers some cash, and they fled on a motorbike in the direction of Swizzle Inn. The incident happened around 10.15 p.m. on Saturday.
Last night, Ms Cox, who is Acting Premier and Minister of Tourism in the absence of Premier Ewart Brown, said: "Tourism is a key mainstay of Bermuda's economy. Any crime against our visitors is an attack on the financial viability of the country, and so we take these matters very seriously.
"The recent comments of the Home Affairs Minister echo the views of the Government as a whole: the need for safety and maintenance of law and good order are paramount and we will ensure our judiciary, Police and corrections divisions have the support they require.
"Violence or the threat of violence on residents and visitors alike will not be tolerated in our country.
"The Ministry of Tourism and Transport will reach out to the alleged victims in this case to express our deep regret that this event took place. We will similarly reach out to the property involved to offer the Ministry's support in whatever way it is needed.
"This Government has already collaborated with our hotel properties to introduce safety control measures; we stay committed to that shared effort.
"I join the Bermuda Police Service in urging anyone with information on this case to provide it to investigators so they might prevent events like this in the future."
Police say the suspects are aged between 25 and 30. One was slim, approximately five feet four inches, wearing an open faced helmet with the visor up and a light coloured jacket. The other suspect also wore an open faced helmet with the visor up.
Last Saturday, a 37-year-old visitor from the US was hospitalised after he and his girlfriend were attacked by three men as they waited for a shuttle bus to the Southampton Princess.
On that occasion three men dressed in dark clothing – one wearing a crash helmet – approached the visitors from behind, demanding money.
When the couple refused, the men attacked them with blunt objects. They ripped the 33-year-old girlfriend's purse from her arms and left the male victim with a broken arm and hand, cuts to his head, and bruises to his body.
News of the latest attack prompted condemnation from John Harvey, CEO of the Bermuda Hotel Association, who said last night: "We are very disturbed and concerned about these recent two incidents.
"We would encourage Bermudians who may know the people responsible to do the right thing and share that information with the Bermuda Police Service.
"We will also be meeting with the Hotel Association's security committee with a view to not only addressing these two incidents but formulating plans for the forthcoming tourist season and making recommendations to all our members on how to address and improve current security arrangements."
Mr. Harvey said such robberies do not appear to be on the increase, despite the recent news.
"I'm hoping that these are two isolated incidents and the people responsible will be brought to justice," he said. "We must all pull together to ensure it ceases and desists immediately."
A Police spokesman last night said the two incidents were not being linked. He was unable to say whether anyone had been arrested following the Princess robbery, whether patrols had been stepped up near hotels, or whether Police could give a message of advice for visitors.
The spokesman said: "Bermuda Police Service is in regular contact with guest properties across the Island and will continue to work in partnership with them to address any concerns they may have."
•Police are appealing for witnesses to the Grotto Bay incident or anyone with information to contact the St. George's Criminal Investigation Unit on 293-2222.

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